Pairing with Reinforcement By Ty Krueger

Do you understand the basic concepts of reinforcement, have had some short term success controlling challenging behavior with a system but wish your child would simply listen without having to leverage stickers and prizes all the time?

That's a big heck yes for me and nearly every parent group we work with!

We know that using reinforcement works; however, we also know that it takes work to do it right and we don't want to rely on using it forever.

Whenever I work with families on setting up positive reinforcement systems in their home, I start with the end in mind by making sure that parents are PAIRING themselves with the external symbols of reinforcement they are delivering to their children.

The term PAIRING is commonly used in ABA to describe the process of associating yourself with a preferred item or activity so that YOUR words and presence become reinforcing without the extra prizes.

Three ways to pair with your child are…

• Play with them!

• One of the easiest ways to pair yourself with reinforcement is to simply play with your child.
• If you take the time to be fully present and engage with your child in a play activity of their choice, you will start to take on the fun properties of that activity.
• The parents who are the most successful at this will make the toy more fun to play with when they are around then if the child was to play by themselves.
• Activities that work well for this: board games, action figures/dolls, Legos, sports, puzzles, art and crafts, making special treats, etc.
• Activities that don't work as well for this: video games, TV shows, movies, and any other electronic where the fun is coming form a computer and not you.

• Give specific praise

• When you are giving a sticker or token as a positive reinforcer, be sure you are also delivering specific praise as to why your child has earned that reward.
• While it may appear that your child only cares about what that sticker is earning them, this process will allow your voice and praise to take on those positive properties allowing you to eventually influence positive behavior in the future by your praise alone!
• When delivering praise, it is the most effective when you can be specific since that will prevent the praise from sounding fake
• Use… "Thank you so much for picking up your room this morning right away when I asked you", instead of…."Great job listening"

• Create rewards that involve special time with you

• When possible, create reward systems that include special trips with you.
• A trip to the local high school basketball game or a trip to the trampoline park allows you to be an active part of your child's reward and pair you with that positive experience.
• So often this type of reward is exactly what both parents and children need as it carves out 1:1 quality time that so often gets over looked (especially in young families with multiple children)

The more effort you put into pairing yourself with things your child is working to earn, the easier time you will have fading out your positive reinforcement system and controlling challenging behavior more naturally with your words alone!